Fear to Enjoy The Sufferings of the Peoples of Myanmar

People often say, “Life is precious. Value and enjoy the present.” But I often wonder if this precious life and precious existence are really meant for us, the peoples of Myanmar.

In reality, I am no stranger to death. My father passed away when I was ten years old. My father, a healthy and energetic middle-aged man, lost his life in a motorcycle accident. Thus my father, who was cheerful in the morning, was just a lifeless body by evening. So I realised from the young age of ten that death can come at any time. Having accepted that life brings both suffering and happiness in turns, I have gone through the sorrows and hardships commonly experienced by an average middle-class person. 

But lately, especially after the coup, I have become afraid even of fleeting moments of happiness. I've begun to doubt if happiness is really for us. My trauma has been gradually deepening. Every day, I hear and witness the deaths and destruction of many people, injuries and the unjust arrests of people of all ages. We wake up with fear. We live with fear. We struggle through our daily lives with fear. But we have not given up. We persevere with the thought, "We only have each other." 

In reality, most Myanmar citizens feel inferior no matter where they go. We never knew what human rights are nor did we ever fully receive them. We grew up under fear and oppression. Myanmar is poor in every way and, despite knowing its inferiority, I have never felt regret for being born and raised in Myanmar throughout my life. I only wished to stay in this country and contribute as much as I could. But lately, I often think, "Are we so unlucky to be born in this country?" It's not without reason that I think this way. 

The events we have experienced and endured have led us to think in these negative directions. In 2020 we faced Covid-19 like the rest of the world. We lost our beloved relatives and friends. Didn't we even think, "Were we so lucky to survive?" Then in 2021 we experienced the military coup. Many precious lives were sacrificed. We were oppressed. We were arrested. For us, the people, lives were not even as valuable as an unusable or unsalable item. Our dreams were shattered. After 2021, wars broke out across the country. Homes, schools and even hospitals were subjected to the military junta's strategic attacks and other destructive activities. Many people instantly became homeless, destitute and unemployed. Today people are still alive, but we live in a situation where we cannot even predict whether we will be alive tomorrow. Events happen so fast that a small house, built with lifelong savings, can turn into ashes in the blink of an eye. 

After the military coup, we also suffered from numerous other problems, including inflation, crime, livelihood difficulties, insufficient electricity and lack of fuel. Due to the uncontrolled sale of forests and natural resources by previous regimes, people also suffered the environmental consequences from frequent floods and landslides. We could only watch as our entire houses were swept away into the water, unable to do anything. Equally damaging, there was no preparedness for disaster prevention, and rescue and rehabilitation efforts were inadequate. 

In the midst of these crises, people from all walks of life are today trying to flee the country by any means possible due to the military service law. The sacrifices for this are significant. Those without money borrow to try to go to another country. Many incur debts and are deceived in different ways due to their difficulties. The cycles of sufferings thus continue.

For us, the hardships we face are like a continuous fire. Is what we have suffered not enough? Now, we are once again facing a natural disaster, an earthquake. My mother lives in Mandalay where the earthquake struck strongly. I prayed for her safety and, at the same time, the anxiety of not being able to contact her was indescribable. Fortunately, my mother is safe. However the personal feelings of seeing people trapped for more than two days, the dead bodies and destroyed heritage sites are beyond words. We are worried about when another earthquake will strike. 

With what strength will we move forward? It's already very difficult for us to live without worry, let alone with happiness. What we have endured is not just in these last five years. Our people have been oppressed for generations, for many years. The truth is that we are weary and tired. We are so exhausted from enduring on our own, and we are embarrassed to ask for help from others. 

Do we not deserve to be happy like others? 

Are our lives worthless? 

How much longer do we have to keep going like this? 

Have our dreams disappeared into thin air? 

These questions echo in my mind, and I am even afraid of a moment of happiness. 

*Alvina is a pen name. She is a freelance writer and has been working on community development for 15 years.